Sunday, September 12, 2010

Marginal Parent Syndrome

Picture [found here].

A victim of a marginal parent is more likely to be psychologically, than physically abused. The signs of this type of child abuse is less apparent to casual observation.


Anyone can be born with, or develop a personality disorder. When a parent is mentally ill, has borderline personality disorder or BPD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD, is a sociopath or psychopath, and/or lacks the ability to feel compassion for others, their children suffer, some for life. How do you raise a serial killer? Well, a child growing up under a marginal parent might have a greater likelihood of suicide, drug and alcohol abuse, committing crimes, being a sexual deviant, harming and even killing others. Identifying such parents with the disorder and overcoming the symptoms or in removing children from these households could be advocated.

Maybe ten times more children are taken away from good homes than should be. The average federal employee makes over $123,000 in yearly salary and benefits. Many states pay their workers on similar scales. A mayor in a cash strapped community was making well over half a million dollars a year. There are at least ten times more Department of Children and Families, DCF and DCYF, than are needed. Connecticut is a good example of a state which takes federal dollar incentives to abuse and break up as many families as is possible for the cash incentive. So, taking away children should be for good reason, and workers, courts, and law enforcement should be under civilian oversight.

A marginal parent is a person who is often jealous of others. Nothing is right, and everything needs to be adjusted, no matter what. There is never happiness or contentment. The marginal parent feel jealous of the joy of children. Joy must be punished when displayed. Relationships controlled by the marginal parent can be held out as carrots. A child not giving into every whim of the marginal parent, not being completely subservient, will cause the marginal parent to compromise the child’s relationships with other siblings, friends, and even significant others of their adult children. A marginal parent will often pick the child of his, or her, same sex, or consistently use one child to vent his, or her, rage. How a marginal parent treats animals is not an indicator that he, or she, is not a marginal parent. Being kind to a dog and then kicking the crap out of a child and/or covertly psychologically torturing a child is possible in the same individual.

A marginal parent who was clothed worse than others growing up, having perceived him or herself having had to work harder growing up, and/or was denied parental affection will make sure their child or children don’t have it easy, causing unnecessary drama and stress at any given moment. A parent who has perceived him, or herself, having had to work hard, will make a child work around the house or do excessive chores to limit or destroy a child’s social connections. An example would be to move a wood pile to one side of the yard and then when the child is finished, is asked to move the wood pile to the other side of the yard. Making children do unnecessary work, or work that makes no sense, is child abuse.

Marginal parents will grate on children until there is loss of sleep, grades slip, and a child displays symptom of Post Traumatic Stress, PTSD, or even clinical depression.

If you are an adult child of a marginal parent and the parent remains critical, emotionally abusive, and is out to sabotage your emotional or financial life, don’t meet that parent in social settings, include them in funerals or weddings or other social functions, and limit your contact with them for your own mental health. There are triggers for PTSD where a child or adult child of a marginal parent that will cause the victim to be limited in function, or cease to function. An adult child will be unable to maintain intimacy with others, have normal friendships, until ending the triggers and the aftermath. That may involve breaking or limiting contact with the abuser causing PTSD in the victim.

Abusive individuals who are reading this might justify their own behavior if they feel that they are more intelligent than other people, special, and/or have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, NPD.

Enjoying life might mean distancing or estranging yourself from a marginal parent. Live long and prosper. Make changes as you need to.

-Steven G. Erickson

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The Spurned Child Syndrome


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